Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
