What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
