The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
