I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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