Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
