The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
