She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
