Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
