Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
