Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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