that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
