**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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