i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
