You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
