I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
