I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
