I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
