I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
