I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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