Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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