I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
