my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
