I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
