my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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