Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
