I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
