So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
