I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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