Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
