We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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