there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
