I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
