Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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