Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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