I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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