They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
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Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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