my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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