Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
