just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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