what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
