so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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