You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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