then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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