Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize