There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
