I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
