I puked a lego.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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