Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
