$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
