Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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