Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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