Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
