my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The adults are the big ones right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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