Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
