C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
