Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
