Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
