They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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