I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
