the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
