Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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