the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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