this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
