the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
