He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
