Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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