Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
