Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
