Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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