the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
