the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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