hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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