we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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