I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
