ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
